PART 2 – ON EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

Hello again,

I hope you have enjoyed these long weekends we have had, at least for some people.¬† I’ve been babysitting a sprained muscle.¬† The show must go on.¬† ¬†I sincerely hope you are pleased with this free training on communications, feel free to share it and I would love it if you have found it beneficial.

PART TWO

The Power of Active Listening

                                  How to do it and what makes it work!

I want to add a thought here, there are things you should be aware of in order to capture the whole message. You have to tune into the feelings behind the facts.

 *Words 7%  *Tone of Voice 38% * Body Language 55%

Impressive how we say more with our body language than with the words we express, perhaps I can do a body language blog to compliment this one on body language, it’s up to you if you are interested, let me know.

Things you should do and shouldn’t do:

  • Show¬†respect – in a business setting it is important that you do not interrupt the speaker, just listen. Do not read papers or speak on the telephone.¬† In a personal level put the phone on silence if it is a social visit or a lunch or dinner. Even if you are having dinner with your family cell phones should not be there. If your child is speaking to you because she or he wants your attention, please have the phone wait, your child is more important unless of course, you are waiting for an emergency or important job offer.

  • Keep eye contact – Some people are shy and they do not like looking at people in the eye, bad thing to do. You can focus if it is easier for you to look what we call “the third eye” it will have the same effect. Whatever you do, do not look away or for that matter stare.

  • Be very careful not to make facial expressions that are unpleasant or may reveal how you are feeling particularly if you are feeling negative.

  • Maintain a receptive body language. Such as; do not cross your arms, scratch your ears….you need the body language course for more. Just be relaxed and attentive.

  • Do not be judgemental. Do not think of the answer before you speak, you may lose a comment or observation that is important. Do not interrupt wait until the speaker is finished with his thought. Do not be sarcastic or rude.

     

Verify what the person said, particularly in business or even socially if it will clarify the issue. It also serves as a defuser, because sometimes the speaker will say “Oh, no I did not mean to say that.”So it serves as an opportunity to clarify what the speaker really wanted to say or changed his/her mind.¬†

 

I think you have enough to internalize for one day.  Remember to try these observations, because otherwise, they will not be of benefit to you.  I would appreciate it if you share.  Look for my next blog on this subject and I hope your life will get richer for it and that makes you happy.

If you have any comments or questions, please feel free to contact me, please click here Contact

Be well, keep smiling and be happy,

Ann

 

 

 

 

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

__Hello friends:

 As I promised from the very beginning I will try to provide you tools to make your life easier.  Of course, that is a tall order because it is not just one thing we need to do to have a good balance in our lives and make that journey to happiness easier, however, I will try.

The last blog we covered attitudes which requires a lot of soul-searching and admit you have not only a relationship problem, you have a “chip on your shoulder” and you certainly have serious communication problems. ¬†So let’s see what I can do to shed some light to better those situations.

This information will be shared in segments primarily so it can be internalized and applied to your daily life.  This is one of the Seminars I offered to Fortune 500 companies to increase productivity and communication. I hope you benefit from it.

Part I

COMMUNICATING SUCCESSFULLY

Understand the four ways people express themselves.

Understand the 4 ways people listen to each other,

ASSUMPTIONS

Assumptions can lead to mistakes, misunderstandings, and strained relationships when treated like facts.

  • Jumping to conclusions
  • Focusing on intentions
  • Thinking you know best
  • Stereotyping ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†

Instead:

  • Treat everyone as an individual
  • Listen first
  • Avoid generalizations
  • Communicate first act second
  • Assume the other person means well

THERE ARE FOUR APPROACHES TO SPEAKING AND LISTENING

 

SPEAKING

  • Aggressive Speaking
  • Non-assertive Speaking
  • Passive-Aggressive Speaking
  • Assertive Speaking- ¬† ¬† Direct, positive, confident. Point is clear a

                                                     and you maintain respect for others.

LISTENING

  • Passive Listening
  • Selective Listening
  • Attentive Listening
  • Active Listening- Non-verbal and verbal feedback allowed

                                           Express that you understand the message

                                           Demonstrate that you understand the message

 

HOW DO  YOU FEEL WHEN SOMEONE REALLY LISTENS TO Y0U?

This we will discuss in our next blog….stay tuned. If you want a free copy of script please let me know I will send it to you, free of charge of course. ¬†Won’t you share this training with someone who can benefit from it? ¬†Thanks.

Ann

 

 

 

 

 

ATTITUDE

Greetings:

I wish you a happy and successful week.

Having had a few days to think about the many areas I would like to share with you, areas and observations that may make your job and relationships easier, because as you know this can get tough at times.

We live in an age of instant gratification, overnight delivery, ¬†24/7 service, immediate lines of credit approval. ¬†Companies have to live to pretty high expectations because if they don’t deliver the competitor will. ¬† Studies have indicated people are willing to pay a little more for better, more reliable and quality service.

Hold on! This is a two-way street.   Sometimes you will be on the customer side, other times you will be on the service side.  It does not matter what job you have.  Your co-workers and you have a lot of interaction at the workplace so you can be on either side of the fence.

It is important that you realize that service is an attitude much more than a function. At least that is my perception.  Your own personal habits and ethics come into play as well.

Can you service a person without satisfying them?  Absolutely.

Not everyone is born with the desire to go out of their way for other people, particularly if it comes to pleasing them.  Fortunately sometimes the willingness to transcend their poor attitudes and take price in their job they survive the transformation.

Keep in mind that no matter what your attitude is you have the option to improve it. It’s up to you. ¬†It can help you in your interpersonal relationships and they¬†can save your job. ¬†Another fact is that more people are terminated from their jobs because of negative attitudes.

I personally know of a person who went in as a receptionist-clerk at a University starting at $13,000 a year and when she left she was making $35,000.  It was pay raise after raise and promotion after promotion all because everyone wanted her to be the one to assist them with their situation.  Word got around she was the greatest assistant they ever had.  She worked there for approximately 9 years. All because she was dedicated to serving people by meeting their expectations.  So as you can see it is doable. 

She was viewed with admiration and respect from colleagues, visitors, friends and of course her family.

Positive language is the art of using words and phrases to create a positive image in the other persons’ mind. When speaking always use positive language. ¬†The use of affirmative terms, and definite statements such as “I will” instead of “I’ll try” is the way to go. ¬†It takes being very aware of what you say, but after a while, it will come naturally to you. ¬† When I did my seminars we use to do role-playing and believe or no it was not always easy for everyone. ¬†Habits take being aware of what you are doing and practice.

You can learn a lot about your attitude and how you can do things better when interacting with people. Watch how you are treated by friends, co-workers, service people when you are the customer.  Start evaluating yourself and see if you can discover some new ways to make people happy.

I’ll leave you with this thought from Lou Holtz: ¬†“Ability is what you’re capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. ¬†Attitude determines how well you do it.”

I would say “Motivation determines your persistence. ¬†Thoughts determine what you do.”

I will continue in a couple of days with another subject that brings about conflict, and strained relationships, effective communication.

I would greatly appreciate it if you let me know if this information deserves a “Like” Feel free to share with anyone who may benefit from it.

If there is a subject that you would like to speak on that would help you in your job, please drop me a line. Go to the contact page, please.

Keep smiling, keep happy, together we can make this a better world.

Hugs,

Ann

 

 

 

You are in control

Welcome again:

I hope you had an enjoyable time this weekend and if you traveled that it was a safe one.¬† I guess you have perceived in the few writings that I have done (I had technical problems, I’m sorry)that I’m of the opinion that each one of us is responsible for our actions, for our failures and for our success. Other people place the blame on circumstances, environment and “luck.”

Control

I’ll explain in a simple way why the control is totally yours.¬† Imagine a clock, no numbers on it, please.¬† ¬†As you know your thoughts never stop, they are ongoing 24 hours 7 days a week, unless you purposely restrain them (through meditation or yoga for example .)

At a rapid pace, many thoughts go through your mind, without any action, just a fleeting thought.¬† It’s like in some photographic cameras you need to focus before you move forward to take a picture.¬† At this point this thought does not have consequences, actions, it’s just a “click.”¬† ¬†However, if you, for any reason such as emotion or reaction choose to “nurture” that passing thought then things take¬†a life of its own.

At this point, you thought is not a quick “click” a “fleeting thought.”¬† Let’s use an example, a wife who is waiting for her husband at 7 pm for a romantic dinner does not call, does not show up and it’s 9 o’clock.¬†¬†

Suddenly¬†it crosses her mind the question “Where is he,” as many¬† would say “He, must be seeing someone.”¬† Without any basis or any other consideration. Automatically, she starts looking for clues to justify her thought, and the race is on.¬† Or she may choose to think, he “Ran into a friend, had a flat tire, forgot something at the office, or worse yet he has no power on his phone.”¬† ¬†¬†

Two responses, one negative and one positive.¬† It is her choice, no one else’s and so is everything that follows.

Choice

It is absolutely her and the steps that will follow will be either negative or positive.

Action

We make a choice, the action follows, again the action will be negative or positive.

Consequences

At this point, we reap the results of our decision.

If the results were negative the pain, distress, the conflict will follow.  If we chose to handle it in a positive manner, there is more opportunity for clarification or explanation of the situation.   However, never discuss anything while you are upset, give your self some time, be it days or hours.  Then address it without being accusatory.  The issue that has caused the conflict should be discussed, if not resentment set in and the situation gets even worse.

Do not be sarcastic, do not belittle the person, listen, just listen, that does not mean accepting abuse¬† If there is emotional, physical, or verbal abuse then it’s time to go.¬† You should always look out for your safety first.¬†

If you are in a physical abuse relationship, make exit plans beforehand.¬† We’ll talk about this in another blog.¬† ¬†

What I have shared sound easy, it takes discipline, it takes work on your behalf.¬† Once you get the “hang” of it you will notice how taking over how you think it’s not that terribly hard, just takes other than hard work, awareness of your thoughts and ask yourself, if you reacted or acted.

I shared an exercise in another blog that I will share again.¬† Go a day without saying anything negative, save a quarter for every time you fail.¬† You can do this among friends o or co-workers or even church members. It’s fun and it’s education and control.

The control of your thoughts on your thoughts is powerful.  These are the tools we need to reach peace, healthy mind, happiness and a better life for ourselves and others that come in contact with us.

Begin your week feeling uplifted, inspired and happy!

Ann

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY

 

Happiest of Mother’s Day and blessings, and thank you for all you do for us, your children, all over the world.

To those Mother’s who are no longer physically present all, I can say, “Mom, thanks for being my unconditional mother, for the beautiful role mother you were. Your teachings have made my life easier.¬† Almost every day I awaken speaking to you, just this morning I heard¬† myself say, “Mom, why don’t you answer me?”¬† The happiest days of my life were those I shared with you day to day.

Saying thank you somehow is not enough for all you did for so many in this life, I also know your major concern was leaving me alone.¬† I’m not alone you are with all the time and sooner than later we shall be together once more.

I love you, now and into all eternity.

It’s amazing how one mother can care for 5,6,7 children, yet those same children can’t take care of her in her last days. It’s a privilege¬†to care for them, it’s just easier to send them to a rest home.¬† Sad. Sad. After being left there, they rarely take time to go see them. They seem to forget they are going to get old too. Remember, the fruits you gather will be according to the seeds you¬†plant and care for.

Friends treasure your mother’s, it is a poignant process when they are gone. Tell them you love them, make their days happy ones. It’s not about gifts, it’s about a phone call, if you are far away, asking her if she needs anything or you can do anything for her.¬† Not just on Mothers’ Day rather every day of the year.

Thank you Lord for our Mother’s, bless them.

Ann

Another Magical Day

Greetings friend,

I hope you have the lovely weather we have presently in North Carolina (about time ūüôā¬†

As I awakened this beautiful spring day, I thought of what a great gift has been given to us today.  We have the choice to live those 24 hours as we so choose.  We can also walk, we can see, we can smile, we can enjoy the beautiful weather, see flowers blooming and we have the power to bring joy and happiness to ourselves as well as others.

Someone commented that he wished he still had the “magic” he had as a child. He expressed going into adulthood had taken it all away. ¬†Sad, we are so busy these days that we don’t realize we¬†are the only ones that have the power to recapture that “magic” ¬†that limitless “imagination”. ¬†¬†

However, you have to invest in yourself, give yourself permission to take time out to think about your attitudes, your choices and mostly in learning to manage your thoughts.  Thoughts that determine your future, success, and happiness. 

Just like becoming any type of professional it does take sacrifice, dedication, and effort to change your behavior.  It is not difficult, it just takes commitment and perseverance.  Which are well worth it.  You can make your dreams come true, you can.

There are tools to do this, no excuses. You can learn to use the power of visualization and affirmation. ¬†I’ve been very successful with practicing both.

Remember you have today, no guarantees about tomorrow.  There are two things you can take back in life, time and words.  Use both wisely.

One of the best tools to start the day is with a Smile.  Somehow a smile is miraculous, it gives us a feeling of calm.  Ladies, it also relaxes the muscles on your face.

If you are so busy that you think I have no time for this “nonsense,” take a second and “breathe” and you’ll realize YOU ARE ALIVE, make your time on this earth, the most joyful one. ¬†

Let’s practice Smiling, it will soon become a habit and you will all reap the benefits.

See you again.

Ann