NEGATIVITY

Hello again:

I apologize for not getting this out last week, it was a technical issue and I just realized it had not been processed.

Only each one of us is responsible for clearing up the pollution inside each of us. Doing that we will also cease to create outer pollution.  We need to recognize the pain within us and refuse to carry it any longer, we need to let it go.  True, some are very difficult to let go and we can only let them go, by acceptance, such as in the parting of a dear one. Others by recognizing you don’t want to suffer anymore.

We need to be grateful for what we have now in the present, you should take a few minutes each day to talk to yourself and take inventory of how many things are in your life that you are grateful for all you have. Don’t spend your time waiting to feel happy when you “get the new job,” when your next vacation comes about when you make more money when you have a meaningful relationship. Don’t spend your life waiting instead of living positively in the present.  There is nothing wrong with having goals but it is negative to substitute your present waiting for what may never come.

These behaviors are overlooked because they are part of our the normal discontent in people.  Whatever feelings come up, be anger, resentment, irritation, it’s okay, recognize them and be aware you have the choice between having peace or conflict and acting upon them.  Accept them and avoid getting into an inner conflict of denial. You then are in total control of your negative emotions.   It takes practice and awareness, but it feels oh so good when you are in control of your behavior, one more step towards happiness.

Do your best to eliminate all negative expressions and behaviors, count your blessings and live in love and kindness and with forgiveness and without resentments.

Awareness of our emotions and conduct will make our life so much easier and pleasant, our relationships cordial.  No one can do this for you it is your choice to try to understand a bit our human makeup and or emotions because then we can better understand ourselves better and our fellowmen as well.

If you have any questions drop me a line and let me know how you enjoyed this topic and if there are any other topics you would like to learn about.

We are currently working on sharing information on an illness that is growing and whose symptoms are so hard to detect unless you are aware of them.  Our first topic will on autism? It is being prepared by my friend Natalie who just finished her masters’ studies specializing on the subject in Argentina and is currently doing another in Colombia. This topic I find interesting because the behavior may seem like someone unsociable or even rude. When in fact they have this condition,

I look forward to this experience.

Be well, be happy and smile.

Please share

Ann

 

HEALTH HAZZARD & YOUR OWN ATTITUDE

I hope this finds you well:

A few weeks ago and before my “Effective Communication” blog. I wrote about the “attitude” of people, more applied to a business setting and how a bad attitude can be of great detriment to your life as well.(As a good attitude can add years to your life).

 I’m going to ask you to withdraw yourself from your duties and obligations and think for one moment what has created this negative attitude in you.  Frustration, anger, worry, exhaustion, overwhelmed?    I suggest you do this because this condition can have very bad consequences.

Without getting into medical statistics, I will share with you that it has been found that having a bad hostile, argumentative, negative attitude can affect your heart and you can develop heart disease. There are so many illnesses that are brought about because of this dysfunction.  These are countless illnesses that are psychosomatic. This not counting how a bad attitude damages relationships.

Positive changes in health attitudes and behaviors. Scientists have discovered … help relieve stress, treat heart disease, and alleviate other conditions.

A negative attitude about aging appears to be associated with a higher likelihood of Alzheimer’s disease.

A study in the journal Psychology and Aging examined healthy, dementia-free subjects from the Baltimore Longitudinal Study of Aging, the nation’s longest-running scientific study of aging.

A study highlighted attitudes toward aging. The study found those with greater negative attitudes had more beta-amyloid … tangles, both hallmarks of the Alzheimers. It is still unclear …(Harvard Medical School  Pub. Feb. 

I imagine by now you “got it”  negative attitudes can be extremely damaging to your health, your relationships, and your well being in general.  Consequently, your journey in life will not be a very happy one. I really hope this is a wake-up call for someone. Please share.

Smile, be happy and hugs,

Ann

Listening Skills

Hi,

We are about to conclude for now our Communication blog so we can go on to other valuable information.  There is so much that comprises having a happy life, it is not just one particular thing such as having good social skills, good manners and of course being able to communicate effectively with other people, both socially and in business.  In life we don’t have one roll, we have many and certainly some of them very stressful.

Okay, let’s go on to good Listening Skills.  I remind you that if you notice there are a few you are lacking, try applying one at a time so you can integrate it easily into your daily life. I always say that having the interest to be the best you can be is like having a diamond in the rough, then slowly it gets polished and it becomes a precious stone.

Listening & Communication Skills

  • Listen do not just Hear.
  • Do not interrupt the speaker while they are expressing their thoughts.
  • Do not get distracted by other things. (phones, papers, etc.)
  • Do not get ahead of the speaker to comment on what they just said, wait until they are finished.
  • Do not think about your answer while the speaker is talking, you may miss something important. Listen carefully to what they are saying.
  • Do not raise your voice, when it is your turn to speak.
  • Be observant of the tone of voice you use when you reply.
  • Do not use slang when you reply to the speaker.
  • Do not appear restless (Remember body language speaks loudly).
  • Control your facial expressions.
  • When in doubt about something the speaker has said, repeat it back to them. For example: “You said the sale was not successful because of our company’s negligence?  Is that correct?  When you repeat back to the speaker what they said they may well correct themselves. i.e. “Well, I did not exactly mean….)  Or you may want them to repeat it because you missed something or you might have misunderstood something.   It is okay to take notes while they speak the subject that you may want to be clarified.
  • Do not rush to answer, you may want to think for a minute about what you just heard so you can better express your side.

Keep in mind we have two ears. The only way we know the other persons’ point of view or argument is if we listen, not only what they say, how they, their body language, the tone of voice and their vocabulary.

Getting ahead of the speaker is one of the greatest problems in communication if you can control the impulse to get a word in you might surprise yourself, you may learn something you never knew (Like a slip of the tongue by the speaker, or a lie, try it.)

 

 

PART 2 – ON EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

Hello again,

I hope you have enjoyed these long weekends we have had, at least for some people.  I’ve been babysitting a sprained muscle.  The show must go on.   I sincerely hope you are pleased with this free training on communications, feel free to share it and I would love it if you have found it beneficial.

PART TWO

The Power of Active Listening

                                  How to do it and what makes it work!

I want to add a thought here, there are things you should be aware of in order to capture the whole message. You have to tune into the feelings behind the facts.

 *Words 7%  *Tone of Voice 38% * Body Language 55%

Impressive how we say more with our body language than with the words we express, perhaps I can do a body language blog to compliment this one on body language, it’s up to you if you are interested, let me know.

Things you should do and shouldn’t do:

  • Show respect – in a business setting it is important that you do not interrupt the speaker, just listen. Do not read papers or speak on the telephone.  In a personal level put the phone on silence if it is a social visit or a lunch or dinner. Even if you are having dinner with your family cell phones should not be there. If your child is speaking to you because she or he wants your attention, please have the phone wait, your child is more important unless of course, you are waiting for an emergency or important job offer.

  • Keep eye contact – Some people are shy and they do not like looking at people in the eye, bad thing to do. You can focus if it is easier for you to look what we call “the third eye” it will have the same effect. Whatever you do, do not look away or for that matter stare.

  • Be very careful not to make facial expressions that are unpleasant or may reveal how you are feeling particularly if you are feeling negative.

  • Maintain a receptive body language. Such as; do not cross your arms, scratch your ears….you need the body language course for more. Just be relaxed and attentive.

  • Do not be judgemental. Do not think of the answer before you speak, you may lose a comment or observation that is important. Do not interrupt wait until the speaker is finished with his thought. Do not be sarcastic or rude.

     

Verify what the person said, particularly in business or even socially if it will clarify the issue. It also serves as a defuser, because sometimes the speaker will say “Oh, no I did not mean to say that.”So it serves as an opportunity to clarify what the speaker really wanted to say or changed his/her mind. 

 

I think you have enough to internalize for one day.  Remember to try these observations, because otherwise, they will not be of benefit to you.  I would appreciate it if you share.  Look for my next blog on this subject and I hope your life will get richer for it and that makes you happy.

If you have any comments or questions, please feel free to contact me, please click here Contact

Be well, keep smiling and be happy,

Ann

 

 

 

 

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

__Hello friends:

 As I promised from the very beginning I will try to provide you tools to make your life easier.  Of course, that is a tall order because it is not just one thing we need to do to have a good balance in our lives and make that journey to happiness easier, however, I will try.

The last blog we covered attitudes which requires a lot of soul-searching and admit you have not only a relationship problem, you have a “chip on your shoulder” and you certainly have serious communication problems.  So let’s see what I can do to shed some light to better those situations.

This information will be shared in segments primarily so it can be internalized and applied to your daily life.  This is one of the Seminars I offered to Fortune 500 companies to increase productivity and communication. I hope you benefit from it.

Part I

COMMUNICATING SUCCESSFULLY

Understand the four ways people express themselves.

Understand the 4 ways people listen to each other,

ASSUMPTIONS

Assumptions can lead to mistakes, misunderstandings, and strained relationships when treated like facts.

  • Jumping to conclusions
  • Focusing on intentions
  • Thinking you know best
  • Stereotyping                                                                  

Instead:

  • Treat everyone as an individual
  • Listen first
  • Avoid generalizations
  • Communicate first act second
  • Assume the other person means well

THERE ARE FOUR APPROACHES TO SPEAKING AND LISTENING

 

SPEAKING

  • Aggressive Speaking
  • Non-assertive Speaking
  • Passive-Aggressive Speaking
  • Assertive Speaking-     Direct, positive, confident. Point is clear a

                                                     and you maintain respect for others.

LISTENING

  • Passive Listening
  • Selective Listening
  • Attentive Listening
  • Active Listening- Non-verbal and verbal feedback allowed

                                           Express that you understand the message

                                           Demonstrate that you understand the message

 

HOW DO  YOU FEEL WHEN SOMEONE REALLY LISTENS TO Y0U?

This we will discuss in our next blog….stay tuned. If you want a free copy of script please let me know I will send it to you, free of charge of course.  Won’t you share this training with someone who can benefit from it?  Thanks.

Ann

 

 

 

 

 

ATTITUDE

Greetings:

I wish you a happy and successful week.

Having had a few days to think about the many areas I would like to share with you, areas and observations that may make your job and relationships easier, because as you know this can get tough at times.

We live in an age of instant gratification, overnight delivery,  24/7 service, immediate lines of credit approval.  Companies have to live to pretty high expectations because if they don’t deliver the competitor will.   Studies have indicated people are willing to pay a little more for better, more reliable and quality service.

Hold on! This is a two-way street.   Sometimes you will be on the customer side, other times you will be on the service side.  It does not matter what job you have.  Your co-workers and you have a lot of interaction at the workplace so you can be on either side of the fence.

It is important that you realize that service is an attitude much more than a function. At least that is my perception.  Your own personal habits and ethics come into play as well.

Can you service a person without satisfying them?  Absolutely.

Not everyone is born with the desire to go out of their way for other people, particularly if it comes to pleasing them.  Fortunately sometimes the willingness to transcend their poor attitudes and take price in their job they survive the transformation.

Keep in mind that no matter what your attitude is you have the option to improve it. It’s up to you.  It can help you in your interpersonal relationships and they can save your job.  Another fact is that more people are terminated from their jobs because of negative attitudes.

I personally know of a person who went in as a receptionist-clerk at a University starting at $13,000 a year and when she left she was making $35,000.  It was pay raise after raise and promotion after promotion all because everyone wanted her to be the one to assist them with their situation.  Word got around she was the greatest assistant they ever had.  She worked there for approximately 9 years. All because she was dedicated to serving people by meeting their expectations.  So as you can see it is doable. 

She was viewed with admiration and respect from colleagues, visitors, friends and of course her family.

Positive language is the art of using words and phrases to create a positive image in the other persons’ mind. When speaking always use positive language.  The use of affirmative terms, and definite statements such as “I will” instead of “I’ll try” is the way to go.  It takes being very aware of what you say, but after a while, it will come naturally to you.   When I did my seminars we use to do role-playing and believe or no it was not always easy for everyone.  Habits take being aware of what you are doing and practice.

You can learn a lot about your attitude and how you can do things better when interacting with people. Watch how you are treated by friends, co-workers, service people when you are the customer.  Start evaluating yourself and see if you can discover some new ways to make people happy.

I’ll leave you with this thought from Lou Holtz:  “Ability is what you’re capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do.  Attitude determines how well you do it.”

I would say “Motivation determines your persistence.  Thoughts determine what you do.”

I will continue in a couple of days with another subject that brings about conflict, and strained relationships, effective communication.

I would greatly appreciate it if you let me know if this information deserves a “Like” Feel free to share with anyone who may benefit from it.

If there is a subject that you would like to speak on that would help you in your job, please drop me a line. Go to the contact page, please.

Keep smiling, keep happy, together we can make this a better world.

Hugs,

Ann

 

 

 

The Journey Begins

 

Thanks for joining me!

Modern life can be very stressful and complicated, particularly for the woman of today. We are called to wear many hats and we forget to take care of ourselves, and I am not talking about having our nails and hair done.

We see a lot of beautiful inspirational verses, however, rarely will someone explain what we can do about our own happiness  It takes decision, committment and action. Only you can make that choice, no one else.  I hope that by the time we go through this topic on our blog  and you have the tools (you have to use them) 😜you will have made the choice to be happy. 

Where does it all begin?

It all starts in your thoughts. Once you understand the thought process and have the tools you can use your thoughts to you advantage.  You can achieve what you want, in the time of tribulation and in spite of circumstances. You can climb the  highest mountain and be just fine.

The ABC of thoughts

Our thoughts stimulate our behavior which may well bring turmoil, fear or pain, peace and happiness. Be aware your thoughts are the makers of our character.  Thoughts not only has an effect on your life, but it also affects those around you. 

We do well to remember that thoughts just like seeds they bring  forth sweet or bitter fruitage,  good thoughts bear good fruit and bad thoughts, bad fruit.  

By now I imagine you know where I am going with this.  In life you can no more change the color of the sky, that you can change anyones’ deamenor.  You can only change yourself.  The rest have the same option.  Sooner or later you will reap what you planted.  

This is an on going process.  It takes commitment, humility, compassion, dedication and being ready to take responsability for your actions.    

You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge. If things  in your life are not how you want them, you can learn what options you can try that will make that jouney to happiness a joyful one.

There has been an on going study at Harvard University for the past 75 years in happiness.

The results incredible. I will share with you in my next blog. For now let’s do two “simple” exercises:

One – Ask yourself what is success to you? think about it , write it in a writing pad and date it.  We will come back to that up ahead.  

Two: Say Nothing NEGATIVE for a day. i.e.- “I hate this weather” – “My xxxxxx is driving me crazy” etc.  

Share it so they can catch each other when you do. It’s funny , it gets better. Place a quarter in a jar for each time you do it.  You’ll probably have enough for lunch in just a couple of days.

Learning can be fun! By the way please let me know about this type of exchange, because it would help me know if you feel it would help us as women to have the happiness we deserve.  Please share and have a wonderful week. 💕 –  Ann

                   😆😆😆

 

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter.

  — Izaak Waltond

 

annquinones@gmail.com